So I was shopping at VS and got into a discussion about bra
sizes with the salesperson. I was
humiliated to be going up a size (again!) and she looked at me and said “you
have a great body! Don’t be ashamed of
your size, you should own it” … so that got me thinking. I am currently about 40 pounds overweight and
it’s no secret. The last year and a half
of my life has been pretty stressful. I
like to eat. Eating is therapeutic, but
at some point my body started to say otherwise and now here I am. I desperately want to lose all the weight and
then some, to be a size 2 again like I was in college when I was in the best
shape of my life. Being a size 2 wasn't
necessarily any healthier than my current size, but I felt better about
myself. Where does it end? It seems like every woman goes through this
constant struggle to find the magic numbers on the scale or in the closet. Yes, I need to lose weight to be healthy, but
how much weight? I don’t need to be a
size 2 again, but I beat myself up all the time because I’m not a size 2. I have literally 5 boxes in my closet with
clothes that are too small… from size 2 all the way to 12. I hold onto them hoping that one day I’ll be
able to fit in them again. Now here’s
the kicker – tomorrow I turn 29 years old.
I am almost 30 people! I need a
realistic expectation of what my body can and should look like at 30. I was 21 when I was a size 2. Now I’m an almost 30 year old divorced woman
with a 3 year old (and of course because I didn’t give birth to him, I can’t
use THAT as my excuse for the weight). I’m having an identity crisis, and it
seems to be tied to my weight. I guess I’m
putting this out there because I need some advice from the women in my
life. When do we decide that we are
finally happy with ourselves, no matter the size? When do we stop worrying what the world
thinks about our size? Am I striving to
be healthy or just to be thin? Should I “own”
this body or loathe it? Currently I hate
it, but the woman at VS yesterday made me wonder why I hate it so much. I’ve got boobs for days, and I guess some
women out there would give anything for that.
Even go under the knife. For me,
it’s the thigh gap. Yes, I know! It’s unattainable for most women, but I had
it once. When I was a size 2. So here we go again… I want to be happy with myself, but I just
don’t know where to start.
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